Teri A. August 5, 2025
Las Cruces, NM

Greetings, baseball fans and fellow Pedro Cerrano Invitational League team owners. I’m covering the commissioner’s recap duties while he’s on the road. Because I’m deficient in the prodigious baseball knowledge that my son possesses, this will undoubtedly be a weird recap with a sizable degree of bullshit. But a promise is a promise, so here we go.  

First up in the report is the siblings’ matchup. Lil’ bro and his Coastal Bend Oilers overwhelmingly crushed his big sister’s Doña Ana Chihuahuas. The Oilers (weird name for a baseball team) came out ahead in every category but runs over the sleepy little Chihuahuas, who clearly opted for a weeklong siesta under the blistering desert sun. Meanwhile, over on the Texas coast, temperatures were mild and partly cloudy, no doubt helping boost Coastal Bend to a dominating 10-1 win. 

Next, the Michiana Cavemen defeated the Denver Donuts, 7-4. While the Donuts had zero errors and a winning record, the Cavemen finished ahead in all other categories, most notably in RBIs and a top tier ERA of 2.96. Not sure how the weather factored in this game. Temperatures were mild in Michiana, but the humidity, mosquitoes, and biting midges were brutal, while a mile high in the Rockies, Denver experienced its usual goddamned perfect summer conditions—not near perfect, but absolute perfection. Let’s all move to Colorado!

Unlike the Chihuahuas, the heat and sun in New Mexico appeared not to phase the Roadrunners (even though this writer—who shares front office space with the team owner—heard some grumbling regarding the Roadrunners’ performance for the week). Still, while New Mexico came out on top of the Rockport Redfish 6-2, the game was much closer than the score might suggest. In fact, the road birds only finished comfortably in stolen bases—the game could easily have gone either way. The Redfish, always good sports, didn’t suffer the loss too badly, taking the team boat out for some saltwater angling after the game.

 The Indy Integrals were off their game with injuries and a benched Ohtani last week, and Gallagher Gulch seized control of the opportunity to lead in all categories but ERAs, taking the win 8-1. Don’t ask me how “fat boys” are speedy enough to score so many runs and steal bases, but there you are. Combined with their stellar pitching, they’ve definitely earned their place in the top four. The Integrals are holding on just behind Michiana in the race to the playoffs, and they definitely have the talent to make their move. I have nothing to report about the weather for these two teams besides the oppressive humidity—thanks to Canyon Lake and central Texas in general, and the corn sweat in Indiana.

Now we come to the Oahu Rocketeers and the Sinton Mullets, and right up front I have to tell you that the owner and general manager of the Rocketeers is my favorite contender for Executive and Manager of the Year. He’s also exceedingly handsome and intelligent. Yes, he’s my grandson, so fight me. The Rocketeers’ six stolen bases, zero errors, and overwhelming pitching were too much for the Mullets’ impressive offensive efforts to overcome, and they won 7-4. Both teams played well in the face of oppressive humidity, heat, and mosquito swarms, neither appearing to be daunted by the hellish conditions. Welcome to Texas, y’all, where only the strong survive. Did anyone hear about the time I stepped barefoot on a diamondback or that I got stung by a *!%!!&#^$! scorpion on our last visit? 

And last but far from least, we arrive at the matchup between the Boerne Mutts and Austin’s Armadillos. This was a close one, y’all! Both teams played at their top level—it was a battle on offensive and defensive fronts equally, with the only real standout difference being the SB total put up by the Mutts, six to the Armadillos’ one. Having long, personal relationships with each owner…well, I’m not surprised at the competitiveness of their teams, and fully expect them to remain at the top of the standings. Austin took this close contest with a score of 6-4. If you’re wondering about the weather for this south-central Texas matchup, you haven’t been paying attention: hot, humid, rattlesnakes, scorpions.

That’s a wrap for this time! The standings remain unchanged for now, but watch out! 

1) New Mexico Roadrunners

2) Austin Armadillos

3) Boerne Mutts

4) Gallagher Gulch Fat Boys

5) Doña Ana Chihuahuas

6) Michiana Cavemen

7) Indy Integrals

8) Coastal Bend Oilers

9) Rockport Redfish

10) Oahu Rocketeers

11) Denver Donuts

12) Sinton Mullets